I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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