I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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