If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
