Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
