Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
