I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
