i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize