worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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