i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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