Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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