On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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