I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
