u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
