my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
