I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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