You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this boner is exhausting
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize