I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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