I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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