You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So many bounce houses so little time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All the doctor said was why
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
