I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
