sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize