He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize