Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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