You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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