We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
