last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
