Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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