Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
