The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
