giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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