the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
