Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
false alarm. still invincible.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
