Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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