You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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