I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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