I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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