it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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