I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
