I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
