she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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