Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
