Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
