Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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