yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they're like a gay fantastic four
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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