she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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