she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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