garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
