if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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