Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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