If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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