It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
