I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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