you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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