Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
