in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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