But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
