And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
