party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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