Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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