Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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