Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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