YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
