Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
