Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
