I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
