Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
