he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
