I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize