no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
