She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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