guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
