I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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