He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
