Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
not ubering you a puppy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we're so committed to being not committed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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