im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
