the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we made out on top of his cat.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
