sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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