She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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