I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
