I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
