I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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