The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
