haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
