Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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