By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
