Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
