i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
