Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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