This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
