i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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