kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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