Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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