I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
