the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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